Why is emotional intelligence so important?

The four elements of Emotional Intelligence by Harvard Business School

To succeed in your professional life a good dose of only intellectual intelligence is not sufficient. A good balance of intellectual intelligence & emotional intelligence is key to your personal success where ever you find yourself. 

When do you actually start developing emotional intelligence?

As soon as you are born. 

As a child you depend on your parents to take care of you to give you the basic personal education you need. During this very important period in your life, you learn how to deal with your emotions and develop a sense of right and wrong. The attention you receive from your parents as well as the forms of communication and the relationship with your parents is extremely important. 

The love and attention you receive as a child sets the ground for a good dose of emotional intelligence. 

As you enter your teens you start finding out what you actually like in life and what kind of person you would like to be. You can make your own decisions and you can take care of yourself. This is the time when your parents see the results of the love, time and attention they gave you. They support you with the decisions you make and continue guiding you in the right direction. 

Having a good & healthy relationship with your parents is key to the challenges we encounter as adults. 

When do you start needing emotional intelligence? 

As an adult, you prepare as much as possible to join the work force. This is actually a phase when interdependence kicks in. Being able to build relationships with not only students or teachers, but with colleagues and with your superiors. It is now when you start needing emotional intelligence to deal with whatever challenges come your way. 

At work you will find yourself dealing with different kind of people, and that can be very positive, but it can be also difficult and stressful, you can feel overwhelmed and maybe even insecure. This is when you realize that that dose of intellectual intelligence is actually not enough to cope with all the changes in your life. 

What happens when we lack emotional intelligence? 

Sometimes it can take a while before you actually recognize the signs of low emotional intelligence. It can be during a major change in your life, for example a divorce, losing your job, losing a loved one, or when you finally decide to leave your “comfort zone”. 

You encounter difficulties building relationships with a partner of with your colleagues and superiors. You find it difficult to understand your own emotions and the emotions of others; you lack empathy. You tend to blame others for problems at work and have emotional outbursts. 

Having someone who listens to you with patience is the first step. 

How do we develop emotional intelligence?

During my coaching sessions, due to years of experience of working with people of different personality types, I can quickly recognize when someone lacks emotional intelligence. 

Identifying this and then working to understand what the causes of this are is key to the personal growth of my clients.  We look at the past in order to understand the present. 

We work at how to manage negative emotions, how to communicate showing empathy (understand before you are understood) 

To develop your emotional intelligence, you have to be willing to confront yourself in your past and your present. Your emotional intelligence can evolve, as long as you have the desire to increase it.